10 April 2011

THE NIGGER

I was walking down the street in Denver Colorado, spitting disgustedly on the sidewalk every time I walked by a synagogue. Which in Denver is about every two blocks. Or hacking up a lunger to spit out at every Jewish cemetery to show my distaste for such things. Taking photos of the attractions in the mile high city like the two giant queer stick men statues that they have dancing downtown in the city center.

When I hear this floppity flop, floppity flop approaching from behind me. Then this black hand appears on my right side coming around trying to get a hold on my fancy camera. But being a big fat guy, I just pushed the camera into my belly which wrapped around it protectively and I swung around to my right with my left knee up in the air and connected exactly with this nigger crook's little weenie and little black nigger balls. Hard.

He totally forgot about the camera and his tough nigger attitude as he was laying there on the sidewalk curled up into a black, crying ball. So then I took my left foot which was encased in a US Ked and put it on his big, flat, black nose and pushed down twisting it back and forth while kind of bouncing up and down until I felt sure that he understood that it was not nice to try to steal from old, fat white guys with fancy cameras.

His nose was bleeding profusely by this time but I wasn't sure yet if he fully understood the error of his ways. I mean, true enough, he was crying and bleeding but it might have been fake crying and bleeding. You just can't be sure of these things all of the time. So I needed to come up with something to make sure that he was feeling my pain.

So I gave him a couple of vicious kicks to his mid section to keep him calm while I tried to come up with something better that he could take away from this encounter that he could use for a future reference. For his own good don't you know.

That's when I seen it. The protruding handle of a straight razor sticking out of his back pocket. So I stomped on the side of his chest to take the wind out of him and reached down and now I owned me a nice, sharp straight razor!

He was lying on his right side, bleeding and crying as much as he could with what little air was left in his lungs and I noticed a little diamond stud in the lobe of his left ear.

My first instinct was to take the entire ear with the little diamond stud in it as you can put them on a little leather thong and they make wonderful necklaces or watch fobs and there is nothing like a black ear to start a conversation in a bar with someone that you don't know. But I thought, what the heck. He might need that ear someday to hold some glasses on his worthless head though I don't know why because he probably can't read and I decided to let him keep his ear. Almost.

I took my new straight razor and cut his ear above the stud, towards his head. Then I made a second cut from the bottom of his ear, up the side of his head to meet the other cut at ninety degrees. And I had me an ear lobe with a little diamond stud in it and he had a little square notch out of the bottom of his ear.

I think we were both happy with my decision. Or he would have been if he was aware of what my first idea was. But as it turned out, when I showed him my new black ear lobe, it just made him cry even harder than before.

So, cleaning my new straight razor on his burr head, trying to find a clean place in that black wool that he had as hair to rub it on and get the blood off of it and sticking it in my back pocket. I picked up my fancy camera, pocketed my new black ear lobe with the diamond... which turned out to be gypo glass... stud in it and went whistling and spitting on down the synagogue lined Denver street clicking away with my fancy camera. Enjoying the warm, spring day.

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