14 June 2009

SOCIAL BUTTERFLIES

I personally have never been a social butterfly. I have never understood the concept. To spend the free time that you have when you aren't working, procreating, or arguing with your better half, skipping around with "your friends" doing stuff that makes all of you happy.

Hell on that. I learned at a very early age that social drinking is a mooer. I have never drank in my life to enjoy some one else's company. Unless you count drinking some flatso beautiful so you would want to go to her place. That's another thing, don't ever bring the hogs to your own place because sometimes they are hard to evict. And it is always hard to get the smell out of your bed.

I always drank for my own enjoyment... mostly at other people's expense. I hate drinking wine with dinner. There is no point to it because it tastes like mule piss. If you are going to torture yourself drinking wine... get a quart or two of Thunderbird, slug it down, and in no time at all you will be at the top of your game. When you wake up a day or two later with your eyes beat shut, or, if you won, both hands swollen to the size of softballs for breaking them open on someone's teeth, and a few bullet holes in your car... you know that you must have had a lot of fun. And... you didn't have to care what anyone else in your little group wanted to do.

I never could get to quite that level with whiskey or beer... but I could still perform pretty well. With the main drawback being... that I had to remember all of the excellent deeds that I had accomplished.

Of course I would start out with people who were just like me but if you were unlucky enough to be the one that passed out while out on the town you would probably wake up in someone's dumpster with your hair painted blue and your eyebrows shaved off. Or maybe you would just be sat on fire until the pain woke you up. It taught you quickly not to be a party pooper and pass out.

Another thing that aggravates the hell out of me is people who always want to go out and pay a hundred dollars a plate to eat some slime that I wouldn't use for fish bait. Or else they invite you over to eat.... what the hell! I am already a fat porker who weighs more than most small families. I really need to come to your house and eat all of your food, don't I? It's alright to invite little skinny people who look like white Ethiopians to dinner, but you should never invite a person who looks like they have spent their life playing Fat, fat hippo with the refrigerator. These people, me included should only be invited if you are going to snort coke or smoke crack. Then you will be doing us a favor and you still get to enjoy our company.

Joining groups or clubs is another thing that I can't get a handle on. You pay money to hang around with people that you don't even know! What is a Kiwanis? I thought that a Mason was a brick layer. Oddfellows? Yeah... I really want to join that one. Then there is Eagles, Elks and Lions... Why would you want to be a fake animal? Then.... there's one of my favorites, AARP. Which must stand for Alzheimer's Applicants and Retarded People. Who cares? I'm sure going to pay dues to hang around these burdens.

Maybe you would rather hang around Godly people and spend your spare time in the church of your choice looking at the ground while talking to the guy in the sky. These folks, regardless of the religion, if they truly believe what they are spewing, are usually really creepy. They only expect ten percent of your gross to get you into Heaven where you can spend eternity looking at the ground, eating flowers and singing praises. How much adoration does this fellow need?

I won't even go into the racial organizations because if you are a regular reader of this blog you already have a good idea of where I stand on those organizations.

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